Urgh!

Last night was pretty eventful. I was entering the beginnings of a pretty bad ass meltdown triggered by anxiety and feeling generally paranoid and unsettled (more on this later). I ended up getting out of bed, running out of the room because I didn't want to be touched and grabbing a cigarette. It took the edge off a little bit so I decided to see if my special interest (WW1/2) would be a good enough distraction to help me calm down so I stuck the TV onto the Military History channel in an effort to find something. I should note at this point that I was rocking like a champion and flicking my fingers against my leg. Needless to say, I was in a bad way. I am not sure what triggered it. Thankfully, I got distracted enough by a WW2 programme that I started to relax but I must have been continuously rocking for nearly an hour.

Once I calmed down a bit though I worked out that it might be PTSD related and I am still suffering symptoms of that even though it's not as bad as it was 3+ years ago. I think once that get's addressed though, it will speed up my recovery from Depression which will in turn, help me be a lot calmer and better able to deal with things.

Jak